Hallelujah world, we made it to the future. Despite the plethora of doomsday movies over the years, the planet is still intact, and we are still shopping at malls.

So who’s feeling foolish now? The reality of 2010 is far from any single futuristic, disaster film of the past – no, it’s more like ten of them rolled into one; it’s just the other shoe hasn’t dropped yet.

But actually, we have adjusted rather well hopping along on one shoe – mainly because we refuse to give up on getting the other one back! That’s the spirit that will turn our frown, upside down. Such is life in the U.S. today; a mega-packed action/thriller/drama with so many twists and turns, one can only wonder: How will this epic saga end?

Well here is what my happy final episode would be: The Armageddon Greyhound Bus arrives to pick up all the Teabaggers. Everyone rejoices because it’s a win-win for all. The bus then drives off into the sunset, and we all proceed to live happily ever after. Hallelujah!

Anything is possible.

Nonetheless, imagine life back in 1999 B.B. (Before Bush). Who would have predicted that today, while the nation works through two wars, an economic meltdown, fears of terrorism and dire environmental crises, the biggest headline news for weeks would be – golfer Tiger Woods and his personal problems? And that his personal problems would climax on Thanksgiving Day with such dramatic finality, that we would – for once – be thankful we weren’t in his shoes?

And worse, just as we cleared our sullied minds of Woods, along comes actor Charlie Sheen, who, on Christmas Day, gave his wife the lasting gift of domestic abuse. Hey Charlie, just wait until she gets a golf lesson from Elin Woods!

But no doubt the Woods/Sheen holiday fiascos could have been worse. Just imagine if Woods and Sheen had hooked up with each other to become best buddies. Yes, that’s right; allow your mind to finish the joke.

Fortunately the world is still turning, and life in America can continue as a magical Disney World with lots of Michael Bay-like sensational tabloid explosions. It’s become the American way: Our world is simply about one’s ego; where facts mean little and truth is mere perception.  Which explains why people today have become Daffy, and standards have become Mickey Mouse!

That said, here is the real 2010, with several movies strung together for what is our mega-blockbuster reality. Do I see a Tarantino sequel on the horizon?

Think of all the futuristic movies of the past, and the result is our reality today: A progressive “2001: A Space Odyssey,” combined with a regressive “Planet Of The Apes.” The tension heightens when a totally outrageous, unqualified character is introduced into the story line as a U.S. president; as the case of George W. Bush, who stunningly does more damage to the country than Chauncey Gardiner in “Being There.” This character would also be obscenely lucky, and have an incredibly cagey ability to receive orchestrated help from a team of public relations people who seemed almost straight out of the movie,  “Wag The Dog.”

So thanks to the “strategery” of the Decider president, the U.S. finds itself facing issues more serious and numerous than any movie ever made. The results are greater economic problems than in the movie, “Wall St.,” as well as the continuing horror of livestock and agriculture practices that have actually turned the food industry into ghastly manufacturing plants of human “feed”, as revealed in the documentary, “Food Inc.” (Amazingly, it is much closer to the movie,  “Soylent Green” than I could have imagined.)

Meanwhile, we have our own “Morgan Freeman, Deep Impact” president, President Obama, but thankfully, no meteors are heading toward Earth right now. But we do have the more imminent crises of global warming, with its extreme weather conditions as in “The Day After Tomorrow.” And, who knows, perhaps an unexpected visitor may pay us a visit, a la, “E.T.” Now that would be cute!

All of this is enough to make you want to take Howard Beale’s advice in “Network” and crack open a window to shout to the world, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.”

Relax. It’s never as bad as you think. We’ll probably end up like Woody Allen, in the movie, “Sleeper,” who unknowingly becomes cryonically frozen, but comes back 200 years later to fall in love with Diane Keaton. Or maybe we’ll wind up like Mike Meyers and Heather Graham, going through a time machine and coming back as “Austin Powers” and his girlfriend, in an awesome 60’s time warp to find peace and love – among other things. Now how cool would that be?

But perhaps a little caveat might do well here: In case you decide to go the cryonics route, you might want to do a thorough background check of the laboratory first, because, well you know, Ted Williams…uh-huh, enough said.

© January 8, 2010 Reiko Eoh